How does it feel to give birth to a child and give him/her up? What kind of woman does that? Does she have any compassion at all? Does she, can she love her child?

I am getting more and more pissed off at people who make callous assumptions and jump to completely false conclusions, based on what? Their own thoughts? Their own skewed philosophies or convictions?

Let me start with an example. Did the Lord or did He not, create each and every person that has and ever will live on this earth? Doesn’t He fashion each person and lovingly design their personality and being? And doesn’t the scripture say that He “knew” from the beginning of (and before) creation? Wasn’t this an act of a loving God? And yet when He placed each of us on this earth does He force us to love Him in return? Or even force us to acknowledge Him as Savior and Creator? How it must break His heart when we go our own way and never acknowledge Him as Abba Father, even though He entrusts each of us into the care of a frail parent….one that WILL fail.

So let’s return to the question at hand. What kind of woman gives up a child for ANY reason? I’ll tell you. One who LOVES her child and wants the best for him/her, knowing she is not able for one reason or another to do so herself. Now I am NOT saying that that EVERY case is like that. There are some who don’t love, don’t have the capacity to love. But the majority of mothers have more or less nine months to think about, pick apart every angle of the decision we need to make.

I have been accused of abandoning my children, although technically only one was a “child.” I take issue with that statement because the assumption was made without all the facts - or possibly they had all the facts but refused to believe because their pride tells them that they MUST be right. Conclusions were made falsely.

Here are the FACTS. A woman who abandons her children doesn’t try to contact them. A woman who abandons her children doesn’t care about their future. A woman who abandons her children doesn’t ache every day, wanting to be in their company every day. A woman who abandons her children doesn’t write them letters and is not able to send them. A woman who abandons her children doesn’t tear up every time she hears their name spoken. A woman who abandons her children doesn’t pour over photo albums that are YEARS old because she has nothing current because the children refuse to send updated ones to her. And finally, a woman who abandons her children doesn’t sit around agonizing over every decision she ever made when it concerns her children, knowing deep down that she did everything she possibly could to be the best mother to the three people she loves more than anything else on earth.

I do not claim to know the Lord’s heart, but I know He feels my pain and hurt, because He Himself knows my suffering. He gave up His children and desires that each one returns to Him, willingly and humbly, knowing that He loves them more than anything else in the world. But He will not force His love on them. I fail at this, but I will strive harder to do the same. I will just continue to pray and trust that the Lord knows the best way.

So, did I set the record straight for some of you? Did I show you in a sufficient a way for you to comprehend? I did NOT abandon my children. In a moment of self-preservation I left a bad situation, but it was the most difficult decision I ever had to make.