So a thought occurred to me today that many people who read this blog or who are acquainted with me may not fully understand a serious problem that is occurring in this nation. That problem occurs in many relationships and sometimes it is covered up by partners for the sake of keeping a relationship alive when, in reality, the relationship has some serious problems that must be addressed. It is the root issue as to the reason why I am divorced today.  That problem?  Verbal/Emotional abuse.

About six months ago I purchased a book and found solace in knowing that what I believed to have been happening all along was TRULY a problem and I had not ended a marriage for nothing.   So today I would like to address a few of the tell-tale signs that you are being verbally or emotionally abused.

The bottom line, the abuser, whether verbal or emotional, is having to be in control.  And the abuse can be evident without a word being spoken.  Whether it's by a degrading look, threatening behaviors, obscene gestures, abuse will cut and it painful. 

Verbal abuse is "the systematic, ongoing use of harmful words or of a sharp tone in an attempt to control or dominate another person." (Verbal and Emotional Abuse, June Hunt, p. 13) When a person, male or female, feels the need to make themselves larger in stature, raise their voice or put another person down, this person is exhibiting abusive tendencies.  I was resigned to being dominated in a way that always made me feel I had less worth than I actually had. I didn't know any better. It's very sad that it took leaving to fully understand the depth of the hurt caused immediately and the after-effects caused for years to come.

Here's the thing, and I am vouching for several family members who have also gone through many of the same painful experiences that I have, until you are totally removed from the situation you cannot fully comprehend the situation.  So many, too many women (and a few men) remain in verbally abusive relationships not even being aware that it is considered abuse. And furthermore, when you add on to all of this the aspect of Christianity and trying to incorporate Biblical principles into the mix, we can get quite confused!

So what to do?  Well, I wish someone would have advised me, years ago, to do some soul searching into who I was in Christ, and not factoring in a "significant other." Had I seen how the Lord views me, not base my self-worth on how my husband viewed me, I would have seen that there were many inconsistencies.  I don't have any more answers now than I did over three years ago, I just wish that those still in situations as I was, would be able to more clearly see that their worth in the Lord should be more important to them than trying to live with the verbal abuse of a mere person who must put others down in order to lift themselves up to a level of more importance.