In my "Journey to a Healing Heart", I have found that my growth comes in pain. I am really looking forward to "arriving." The journey is becoming too unbearable.
Even looking back on all the posts....all the really good thoughts and posts come AFTER a pain causes me to pour out my heart in tears! I have taken up writing, as most of you know. Most of the really good stuff comes when I can barely see the computer screen through the tears flooding my eyes. The words just flow...just like the tears down my cheeks. SEE!!! There's that good stuff again!!!
But for once I would really like to have a season in my life where I can relax, know where my head is and be at peace in my spirit. I did have it for a while and I was writing...can't I have that back? Well, I girl can ask anyway, right? Even if it is just a pipe dream?
And speaking of dreams...Is it wrong to have them? At first I thought not, but now I am beginning to wonder. Seriously...do dreams ever come true? And do they look like you are expecting? How do you recognize the "dream come true" if it's not what you pictured?
This morning I was watching one of my favorite pastors - Dr. Charles Stanley. His son, Andy, was interviewing him and asked a question, "How do you reconcile putting God first in your life and setting goals?" (I thought it was a very appropriate and timely question for me.) His answer was very good. He basically said that he obeyed God first and then he sets his goals. If they don't line up with what the Word says or if the Lord just tells him to cross it off, he does.
I want to be like that. I want to be so close to the Lord that He speaks to me that audibly! I have done everything else and it seems to line up with the Word fine and I still fail...and terribly! So now what? I have asked the Lord for signs. I have prayed and fasted. I just can't seem to get it right.
But for some reason I still have dreams. The realization of those dreams seems so foreign to me though. Should I stop having the dreams? Change the dreams? Not expect them to come to fruition?
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Do things come full circle? What does that imply? I think it means that things start where they left off after going in a circle. Someone recently suggested that I had come "full circle." I am not sure I like that analogy and here is why. I don't want to believe I have been going in circles. I would rather see myself as having fallen off the path the Lord has prepared for me over thirty years ago, and I have now arrived.
Allow me to tell you a short story. Thirty-three years ago, I met a young man in my church youth group. I was a wide-eyed, smitten, teenaged girl who was totally in awe. But I was just a plain girl and this young man didn't "see" me. Through the years of attending youth groups, church, choir practices and fellowships, this young man started to fall in love with me. We had our good times and bad times. We dated on and off. We fell in love. We loved each other. But things happened...things that tore us apart. We went our separate ways for twenty-seven years and in those years we grew, matured, and got older.
What else happened in those years? I've loved...despite what others might say. I have loved a few men. I have loved them for certain character traits. I have loved them for what I believed them to be. I have loved them for who they were not and for who they were. I loved them for how they made me feel at the time. I have loved them for taking me away from a situation in which I didn't want to be. I have loved them for teaching me new things about myself, the Lord, and this world which we live in.
"What happened to him?" you might ask. Well, he lived his life, doing the best he could in each situation, learning about himself. But the biggest thing that happened to him was he learned that one mistake can set in motion circumstances that changed the course of history, as he knew it. He never stopped thinking about or loving his first love. He always wondered "what if"?
Neither one of us believe in "happenstance" or "coincidence", so when a customer came in to where I work and we spoke, it set off a chain of events that spiraled as quickly and strongly as a tornado comes and changes entire landscapes.
Now, where do we find ourselves? Have we come "full circle"? Or have we simply both fallen off the path that the Lord had chosen for us from the very beginning? God has His perfect will and then there is His permissive will. What we believe is that we have been, for the last 30 years, living His permissive will, wandering in and out of lonely places. Now, after all this time, we have found His perfect will and we no longer want to live anywhere else but right there - in the place He created for us all along. "What God has joined together, let no man separate."
Allow me to tell you a short story. Thirty-three years ago, I met a young man in my church youth group. I was a wide-eyed, smitten, teenaged girl who was totally in awe. But I was just a plain girl and this young man didn't "see" me. Through the years of attending youth groups, church, choir practices and fellowships, this young man started to fall in love with me. We had our good times and bad times. We dated on and off. We fell in love. We loved each other. But things happened...things that tore us apart. We went our separate ways for twenty-seven years and in those years we grew, matured, and got older.
What else happened in those years? I've loved...despite what others might say. I have loved a few men. I have loved them for certain character traits. I have loved them for what I believed them to be. I have loved them for who they were not and for who they were. I loved them for how they made me feel at the time. I have loved them for taking me away from a situation in which I didn't want to be. I have loved them for teaching me new things about myself, the Lord, and this world which we live in.
"What happened to him?" you might ask. Well, he lived his life, doing the best he could in each situation, learning about himself. But the biggest thing that happened to him was he learned that one mistake can set in motion circumstances that changed the course of history, as he knew it. He never stopped thinking about or loving his first love. He always wondered "what if"?
Neither one of us believe in "happenstance" or "coincidence", so when a customer came in to where I work and we spoke, it set off a chain of events that spiraled as quickly and strongly as a tornado comes and changes entire landscapes.
Now, where do we find ourselves? Have we come "full circle"? Or have we simply both fallen off the path that the Lord had chosen for us from the very beginning? God has His perfect will and then there is His permissive will. What we believe is that we have been, for the last 30 years, living His permissive will, wandering in and out of lonely places. Now, after all this time, we have found His perfect will and we no longer want to live anywhere else but right there - in the place He created for us all along. "What God has joined together, let no man separate."
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
What do people mean by the phrase "Be true to yourself"? I'm not sure I ever lie to myself. And does it mean I can me untrue to others? I'm not sure I really get it. Seriously, I think I know what they are trying to imply. "Do what you want to do and don't worry about what anyone thinks." But is that Biblical? That's the real question, isn't it? If I decide to be true to myself does that give me an excuse for my actions, even if they don't line up with the Word?
What I am going to interpret that phrase to mean is this, "Take a good look at yourself and what your true character is. Act on that." If my true character has me as a selfish person, I will act on a matter no matter the consequences. If my true character is that of kindness, I will act on a matter, but it will be difficult for me because I try to spare another's feelings. The matter must be acted on no matter what your character.
Let me give an example, if I may. Let's say I am offered two different jobs. The first job has me working in a small cubicle working with numbers. The pay is a little above minimum wage and benefits. The second job has me working with people in customer service and pays. Many people in this economy would take the job that paid more, right? But what if I is was introvert? Would taking a job in customer service be "true to oneself"? I think not. And if I accepted that job, who would benefit from that act? Possibly nobody.
What is my character? What do I believe? What desires has the Lord lain on my heart? Am I being "true to myself" in all things? Or am I merely doing the best that I think I can and hoping that things will just "work out?" Who am I hurting when I am not being true to myself? I am hurting others around me. I am not being honest in all my actions and words. I am hurting myself. I will eventually regret so many acts. In a way, I am lying to myself and to others, am I not?
So, today, I want to make a commitment to ensure that I know WHO I am and WHOSE I am. Then once I truly understand that, move forward in being "true to myself" and others.
What I am going to interpret that phrase to mean is this, "Take a good look at yourself and what your true character is. Act on that." If my true character has me as a selfish person, I will act on a matter no matter the consequences. If my true character is that of kindness, I will act on a matter, but it will be difficult for me because I try to spare another's feelings. The matter must be acted on no matter what your character.
Let me give an example, if I may. Let's say I am offered two different jobs. The first job has me working in a small cubicle working with numbers. The pay is a little above minimum wage and benefits. The second job has me working with people in customer service and pays. Many people in this economy would take the job that paid more, right? But what if I is was introvert? Would taking a job in customer service be "true to oneself"? I think not. And if I accepted that job, who would benefit from that act? Possibly nobody.
What is my character? What do I believe? What desires has the Lord lain on my heart? Am I being "true to myself" in all things? Or am I merely doing the best that I think I can and hoping that things will just "work out?" Who am I hurting when I am not being true to myself? I am hurting others around me. I am not being honest in all my actions and words. I am hurting myself. I will eventually regret so many acts. In a way, I am lying to myself and to others, am I not?
So, today, I want to make a commitment to ensure that I know WHO I am and WHOSE I am. Then once I truly understand that, move forward in being "true to myself" and others.
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