Resurrection -
In looking back to previous posts, I see that I have used this word a few times and I am trying to determine whether or not it is an appropriate word. The reason this has become a “sticking point” with me is because I am trying to determine whether I was revived after being dead or if I am just a “new person.”

Here’s my dilemma and maybe you can help me come to a conclusion. (Please bear with me because I do need to go back a way.)

As a teenager, I was gregarious, but not very popular in school. Let’s just say I was a bit stifled. I just couldn’t quite squeeze into the mold of what characterized the “popular” crowd. I was a leader, even then. Friends and acquaintances could attest to that. But, I couldn’t seem to lead my own thoughts. They seemed to run a little rampant when I left for college and I couldn’t seem to focus on the important things in life. I was always seeking “something else.” I sought until the thing I thought I sought saw enough in me to cease my seeking! I was married and started a family, not realizing I was not really done “seeking” the one thing I never knew I was looking for - my own identity. When I came to the end of my marriage, I was finally beginning to “find” myself and by that time, those around me didn’t appreciate me for who I truly was.

Now, I am Petra…..independent, strong, fun-loving, confident, caring, compassionate, creative, out-going, smart, and loving. I have gone from being fearful of leaving the comforts of my own home to becoming a world-traveler. I stopped questioning every decision and I have become assured in my choices. I don’t look around to see who is in my presence before I laugh at a humorous anecdote. I am so full of life I am bubbling over! I cannot contain my joy.

The question now is, were there EVER those characteristics before? Were they covered up? Were they lying dormant for all these years? Were they so restrained by those in my life that they became non-existent? OK, to be fair, I am still gregarious., although still not very popular (my definition of popular has shifted over the years, though). I am still a leader, although not practiced as often as I would like. But I can now lead my own thoughts. I can reel them in, not chasing unrealistic aspirations.

I have “found myself” right where I last saw “me” - in a little town in Kentucky, alone. And the new me? RESURRECTED!!! Yes, I guess I was there all along, buried underneath the mound of dirt of the choices I made. I am glad I found myself. It’s good to be alive!

Procrastination...such a big word but so easy to do!  What do we all procrastinate doing?  Mostly things we don't want to do. But what is it called when we put off doing someting that we actually WANT to do.  Seems silly, doesn't it, but yet we do it so much more that we realize.

Do you have a person you have been wanting to talk to? How about a letter you have been wanting to write (or an email)? Is there a book that you have been wanting to read, either for a few months or a few years?  What hobby have you been wanting to take up?  And here is a biggie...What
trip/vacation have you been wanting to take?  What is stopping you from actually doing any of those things?  Do you realize you have been procrastinating doing something you actually WANT to do?  

I hate cleaning house (even though the results yield a calmer soul).  I detest paying bills.  I dislike making all the phone calls to companies to "straighten" things out.  But all those things eventually get done because there are consequences if they do not get done, right?  Most of the time we put them off as long as possible, but they do get done.

What's my point in talking about procrastination?  I have been contemplating the fact that putting off the "good things" have consequences as well, but we fail to see them.  Why?  Because the consequences are not something external, but internal.  Think about it.  Follow my reasoning, odd as it may sound.

I have a book on my tablet that has been there for about four months now.  When I saw it in the bookstore and read the back cover, I knew it was going to be a wonderful book.  I raced home to order it and download it.  And there it has been for four months!  Every time I want to take a few minutes to read, I open up the app and see it there, but for one reason or another I put it off.  There are three books I have started and not finished.  The dishes are piled up in the sink.  I should organize that junk drawer.  The laundry is piled up in the corner of my closet. So, there that great book "sits." 

Now, what would happen if I opened up that book and actually started reading it?  Well, the other three, obviously not-good-enough-to-finish books will continue to go unread.  The dishes won't get done, but I do have more in the cupboards and the flies haven't found the dirty ones.  The laundry will go undone, but that will just give me a chance to wear those clothes I have in the back!  I have wanted a good excuse to wear that long ball bown for years! (Who says you can't wear a flowing gown, tiara, and strappy sandals as you read a great book?) 

And what would I accomplish if I sat and read that wonderful book?  Well, first of all, I would be having fun.  And what person wouldn't want that?  Secondly, I would be relaxing, allowing all of that built-up stress to flow from my pores.  Thirdly, I would be taken to a place in my mind and soul that I have been longing to travel to.  And fourthly, and certainly not lastly, I would be appreciating the $300 dress that I have never worn before and the strappy sandals would look great without giving me blisters! 

Here's my point.  My life has been put on hold for far too long.  I have been procrastinating "life" for so long that I can't remember what "fun" is anymore.  No more!  I took my trip to Germany and Italy, and yes, it cost me quite a bit of money, but it was still cheaper than a lifelong time of regret.  I will be paying off a credit card for a long time, but it is less expensive that an extended stay in a mental institution (or so I am told).  And now, I will choose to read my book.  Yes, the dishes and laundry may go undone, but I will be happy.  I may read up 'til wee hours of the morning and I will not sleep.  But I will have a rested soul and I won't torture myself about not having accomplished something I really wanted to do.  I will procrastinate no longer - with reading or anything else that will bring me some happiness. (Now if I could only find my reading glases in the heap of laundry, or did I put them in one of those half un-packed boxes in the spare room?)

Now, all of that said, I would think you would look at your list of want-to-dos and determine for yourself, "What would I lose by putting off for a little while longer the drudgeries of life, so that I could enjoy (fill-in-the-blank) for a while? Try it, you might find out that the things you will give up are not as important as you had made them out to be.

There is something about revealing your innermost thoughts and feelings that un-nerves even the toughest skinned individual.  The act of hearing the sound of your own voice as it speaks those hidden details that were safe for so very long in the recesses of your mind.  These thoughts were protected from ever being discovered by those not-so-well-intentioned individuals.

First, the question must be asked, “Why are they hidden to begin with?” And secondly, “What must occur that will soften us to the point of revealing?”

Let’s tackle that first question together, shall we?  I will wager that most of us do not open up because of fear – fear that we will be ridiculed or judged.  But how did our minds arrive at “if A, then B?”  Because it actually happened before!  I am confident that every one of us has had an experience where we shared a hope, a dream, an expectation, or a cherished thought, and the response was anything BUT welcomed!  “That’s the silliest thing I have ever heard.”  “Why would a smart, self-sufficient person like you stoop to think of something as base as that?”  “You don’t have the time to fulfill that goal.  You can’t even find the time to do the basic things a normal person would do.”  “That goal is so unrealistic.”  You get the point, right?  Have you been there?  So, basically, we stop revealing those precious things (to us) for fear of judgments or criticisms.

ASIDE:  Do you want to know the “kicker” to all of that?  What if the Lord is the One that placed that thought/dream/goal in your heart?  Why should we CARE what others think?   But we do, don’t we, because each of us has a need to be accepted by another.

So, we know the “why it happens” and we now need to discover the “how we let our defenses down.”  The answer to that is not so much a matter of knowledge as it is experience.  We know the answer but until we actually live it we cannot fully appreciate it. 

Have you ever been told by someone that you can just “be yourself?”  You want to trust what they say.  So, you let the wall come down just a little and you share a little dream.  Yes, you actually voiced it.  And guess what?  There was no ridicule.  You breathe a sigh of relief.  Shortly thereafter you share a silly thought in passing and you get “the look.” (You know the one where the eyes are rolled and a sneer appears on the lips.)  That wall immediately goes back up again, doesn’t it?  And wherever you THOUGHT the relationship was going has just been squelched.  And the other person wonders why you left.  DUH!!!!!  Don’t tell me you want me to be myself unless you are willing to accept me! (Are you hearing me?)

Here’s the scary part.  You still have to lower that wall with the next person and the next and the next and the next until you find someone who will NEVER give the look.  NEVER question your dreams.  NEVER criticize your goals.  NEVER judge your thoughts.  This is the person who will accept ALL of who you are and not just what he/she understands.  He/she will love you unconditionally.  And isn’t that what love is supposed to look like anyway?

Do you have this person in your life?  If not, please, do not stop making yourself vulnerable.  Yes, you will have hurt.  Yes, you may be rejected.  Yes, you may be criticized.  But please, take it from me and all those who have found this special person:  It is so worth the journey!  To find that special someone who will look at the times you say, “I really want to build a sandcastle right now (and it’s the middle of winter in the north) and he/she will do everything they can do to make this their goal as well.  This is a dream come true!

I am so blessed to be able to share my dreams and goals and never be judged or criticized.  I am so blessed to be able to voice my innermost thoughts and know that they are safe and protected and won’t be used against me.  I am so blessed to have my “your dream is my dream” man!

"Muse"....(n) someone who inspires another in the creative arts, especially poetry.

Does everyone have a muse who is creative?  Must everyone have a muse?  What is the true purpose of even having a muse?  Does one just "appear" when needed?  What constitutes creativity?  How do you know if you have a muse?  These questions have been niggling in the forefront of my mind the last few days.  I look around and put myself in the shoes of some of my favorite authors and artists and I can't help but wonder, "Who was their muse when this was created?"  I think I may have come up with an answer to that question.  I believe that most art, whether writing, art, poetry or even a movie are not inspired by anyone.  Then there are those very special "pieces" that stand out in everyone's mind.  I believe that THESE are the ones that are inspired by a special "muse." 

Think about it.  There are many pieces of art or books that have a tendency to stick out to everyone who has seen them, read them, or admired them.  And having recently been to a country that was founded on art, it has become even more clear to me.  When a person thinks of Michelangelo, what do they think of?  The statue of David, the Sistine Chapel, and the Pieta.  But does anyone rememeber "Bacchus," "Man and Mollusk," or even "Moses"?  And what about authors?  I happen to adore Jane Austen.  Most people think of "Pride and Prejudice" or "Sense and Sensibility" when they hear her name.  But what of "Catherine"?  Do you know this was one of her first works?  Hmmm.  Makes a person think, doesn't it?  What happened to each of these great "artists?"  My guess is that the more famous works had muses in their artists' lives. 

So what's my point and what does this have to do with me?  I will tell you.  I started writing when I was a teenager.  The times that I believed to write my best during those years was when I had someone to inspire me.  Most of the time it was some hurtful time that casued me to pick up a pen and paper and write either prose or poetry.  Most of those writings were kept in a diary, but I will admit that some made it to the light of day where someone else read it.  I seem to remember receiving compliments on those pieces.  However, when I just wrote for the sake of writing and to keep things "fresh", I didn't write as well.  So what was the difference?  I wasn't "inspired." 

I started this blog about 2 months ago.  I can almost remember, as it was yesterday, the day I sat down and wrote.  Would you like to know how I came to that place?  I have a muse!  I have someone who inspires me now.  Someone who inspires me to be my best, to write my best, and to put my heart out there for all to share.  And do you want to know why I share my heart?  Because in spite of the mistakes I have made, I have a good heart.  It's not that I want to prove anything, but I just want those outside of my close circle, and some within, to see that I am growing.  I am maturing.  I am learning so much about myself.  And I want everyone to understand that "me" better.

I sing more now.  I laugh more now.  The world is beautiful.  I can see the rainbow through the clouds.  I can see the  light through the fog.  I can see beauty through the grime.  I am reborn!  Do I need a muse?  Not really, but it sure does make my writing better.  Am I creative without a muse?  Of course I am.  The Lord created me in His image. But having my muse makes everything "better" in my life.  Thank you, my Muse, for being so wonderful! 

And for everyone out there reading this, think about something.  Where is your creativity?  Is it in something quiet, like writing?  Is it something artsy, like art?  Is it something active, like expressing yourself in dance, a sport, or activity?  Do you believe you are at your best?  if so, do you have a muse?  (Think about those in the Olympics now.  Most of them attribute their "greatness" to a family member who has inspired them.)  And if you think that you could probably push yourself a little, look around?  Maybe you just need a little inspiration.  Maybe you just need to find your muse.