Do you ever get overwhelmed?  With work?  With family?  With relationships?  And sometimes with just the everyday-ness of life?  What happenes in those situations?  What do you do?

I like to unwind by vegging out in front of the TV.  I know that sounds counterproductive and some would gasp at the fact that I choose to engage in mindless entertainment as opposed to getting something "important" done.  And maybe they would be right.  And some would do a "double-gasp" if they were to know what I was actually watching, but you know what?  It works for me.  After I let my mind empty of every heavy thought, I am more productive afterwards.  And it works for me. 

Everyone has their way of dealing with their own stressors.  Some people with WAY too much energy lace up their sneakers and go for a run or head to the local gym.  I applaud their effort because it will serve to clear their mind as well as improve their tone.  I am just not one of those energetic, health conscious people.   There are those who will pick up their guitar and play soulful tunes until they have lost all perception of time.  I am not talented in that area.  There are yet others who will press on through the "lull" and continue trying to be productive and yet not being very productive at all. 

Here I am...I am person who wastes too much time getting very little done and then, once I see I am running behind, I get into over-drive mode and do everything I need to.  It's called being a procrastinator.

Here's where I want to be...I want to have a notebook and pen with me at all times to record thoughts and ideas.  I want my "down time" to BE my productive time.  I may still sit and watch mindless TV, but that is not a reason to allow my creative spirit to just idley flow by.  I will be a better person for it.

Here is what I percieve will happen.  I will almost look forward to those times I get overwhelmed because I will be somewhat productive.  My relationships might be material for my next thought in my notebook.  My family will benefit because I will merely back away instead of lashing out in a sarcastic and hurtful manner.  Work will appreciate my productive time because there will be more of it. 

Don't you see?  I now somehow look forward to getting stressed out so that I can prove to myself, somehow, that I can get through those times in a way I never could before.

The other night I was reading in 1 Samuel.  I have read the account of Hannah many times, but this time I read it with new eyes.

Hannah was a scorned (by her husband's other wife)woman and she ended up being blessed by the Lord with a son in her old age.  She had promised the Lord she would give her son back to Him if He blessed her.  She lived up to her promise and when she took baby Samuel to the synagogue she prayed a prayer of thanksgiving to the Lord.  What a beautiful picture!  During the years after that time, even in her old age, the Lord blessed her with five more children.

This experience got me to thinking about the situation in which I find myself.  Two years have passed since my divorce and I haven't seen any of my children in over a year.  And in the meanwhile they are not treating me with any kindness or even respect or civility. What have I been doing in the meantime?  Have I been praying prayers of thanksgiving to the Lord and obeying the Word where it says to "pray without ceasing?" NO!  I have been complaining, worrying, stressing and basically making myself miserable!  I realize that my reactions should be more of what Hannah prayed in 1 Samuel and also the prayer of Paul for the church of Colossae.

Who am I?  What is my identity?  My identity is NOT based on what I have done on this earth. Who I am or am not married to. Who my children are. Where I make my dwelling. My identity is in Christ alone.  He alone has put his mark of ownership on me. What I do on this earth should merely be an outpouring of who I am in Him.  Even my reaction to the difficult times should be a reflection on Christ (and I am going through difficult times!). When I am squeezed by the stressors of life, I want to "ooze" Jesus - no matter what others expect of me.

Bringing this back around...

In the situation in which I find myself with the children and their father, I will choose to remember that I was "Petra" before I was born into this world. God has had a plan for my life before the creation of the world.  There is nothing I can do to alter that will for my life.  I can't mess up what GOd has ordained for me.  I am His and He is mine.  I will choose to foicus on that, and that alone!  Whether my children are in my life or not will NOT change my identity or purpose.  God will bless me for His good pleasure and I will thankfully accept all that He brings into my life for it is all for His good!

So, for the next few days I am going to start writing out "Petra's Prayer" and actually pray it.  I will hang it in a prominent place in my home as a reminder of God's faithfulness despite my faithlessness.  God's goodness despite my anger and bitterness.  God's provision instead of my lack.

Will you join me in either helping keep me accountable or by writing your own prayer of thanksgiving?  Please let me know how the Lord is blessing your life despite your failings.  That's what our journey in this world is all about, isn't it?

So, lately I have been thinking about friendships and all of the details of what relationships with friends entails.  It's a really interesting topic if you think about it.  We all have our own definitions of what a friend truly is.  Every time I turn on the TV or put a movie in, I am bombarded by even more examples.  I am in the season of my life right now where I seem to be evaluating everything I thought to be "so."  Friendships. Love. Life. Security. Peace. Contentment. I want to put labels on everything based on what I thought once was.

Yesterday I got reaquainted with one of my favorite movies, "Emma."  For those of you who are unfamiliar with the story, Emma is a well-bred, lively, friendly, beautiful young woman.  It is a story obout friendships and love - as most Jane Austen books. (I truly believe Ms. Austen had a wonderful take on what friendship and love truly consisted of.)  Today I want to focus on a few of the relationships in this particular story.

Then:
Emma befriends a younger girl and tries to do some good by enstilling some sense of "class" in her.  In the process she tries to groom her for a marriage out of her league. Those who know Emma try to determine whether or not this is a profitable friendship for Emma.  They point out all of the faults and flaws in Harriet, but Emma always comes to her defense. 

In today's world:
There is a co-worker who desperately needs some kind of help, whether it be financial, emotional, or something else.  You approach the person and give assistance.  You hand them a $20 to help pay for gas. Ask them to lunch so they can tell you about their woes.  And when discussing things with another, you refer to them as a friend. But is this really friendship or just a way to serve yourself and make "self" feel important and worthy?  This is the relationship between Emma and Harriet Smith.  It looks innocent enough from the outside, but when others point out the flaws of this "friend" and you cannot see them, you are infatuated by...what? Self-satisfaction?  Pride?  Self-worth?  What does the scripture say about that?  "Love does not seek it's own..." (1 Cor. 13:5)

Then:
Also, there is a friendship between Emma and her now-married governess. Mrs. Weston only sees the good in Emma.  Emma adores Mrs. Weston and seeks her advice, however, biased as Mrs. Weston is, she cannot bring herself to chide Emma for her actions.  She points out some facts about others and carefully words her advice to Emma to sound nothing but loving and encouraging.  In relationship to Harriet, Mrs. Weston subtley points out character flaws in Harriet, but soothes Emma's conscience by offering encouragement in her actions towards Harriet. 

In today's world:
There are people in our lives, possibly a parent, who always find the best in us, and encourage us to follow our flawed instincts, even if it means we might be hurt in the end.  But we can always count on that person to smooth our ruffled egos, can't we?  And the scarey thing is, many of these people have known us for many years, perhaps all our lives.  And what purpose does it serve to sugar-coat the truth?  What does the scripture tell us in this instance?  "Speak the truth in love." (Ephesians 4:15) Is partial truth good enough?  I tend not to think so because there is still room for a little white lie, isn't there?

Then:
Of course we cannot forget the friendship between Emma and the life-long family friend, Mr. Knightley.  Mr. Knightley never held back his praises OR his rebuke from Emma.  His rebukes were stern, but never unkind.  His only motivation for speaking in such a manner was the edification of his dear friend, one whom he had known since infancy.  Emma's response to Mr, Knightley's rebukes?  Indignation of course!  However...Through the course of the story we begin to see Emma maturing and recognizing the affection behind the words her dear friend had spoken.  And because Mr. Knightley, always the caring friend, has the patience to see Emma through some very difficult times, they both reap the benefits of not only the deepest of friendships, but they also see their love and admiration grow for each other. 

In today's world:
There are certainly those in our lives who speak truth into our lives and we get very defensive about our actions.  Or am I the only one? (Hope not.)  We are not sure if they are really "showing themselves friendly" because who in the world would speak in such a manner to us?!?!  This could be someone you just met or someone who has known you forever, but for one reason or another they have your best interests at heart.  Their words are completely self-less, and they know this because telling you the truth in love is more important to them than being liked.  They would rather see you mature than have a superficial relationship with you.

I have been evaluating the people who are in my lives and, in a way, categorizing (labeling) them into one of these three "friendship categories."  I have found many that fit into the first two, but only a cherished few who are in the last one.  And here is what I want to say about that...

I have found my dear "Mr. Knightly" who, despite my many flaws and character deficiencies, cares about me and patiently waits for me to completely appreciate his love.  I want to tell you, Mr. Knightley. "I see your care and concern and I value your friendship above all other friendships.  I am still trying to settle the other false friendships in my life so that I can be freed up to fully appreciate your self-less, caring, and sacrificial love for me.  Thank you for opening up my eyes to what true friendship looks like and waiting for me to appreciate YOU!"

Red shoes....Yummy!!!  Sexy!!! and Oh so hot!!!

OK - that's established.  So what does that have to do with Petra, you might ask.  That's a great question that I would be more than happy to answer this afternoon.

The other day I was pondering the question, "What is the difference in how a man makes me feel and how a man makes me feel about myself?"  That's a deep question isn't it?  And it's one that you might be wondering how I, a sometimes self-absorbed woman, came up with...and yes, I came up with it all on my own!

Well, I am going to tell you a few facts that may surprise a few of you.  And for others of you who already know these facts, just bear with me because I do have a purpose for bringing these things up.

First, I was someone who, on most days, didn't think very highly of herself.  I have a generally low self-esteem.  Yes, I know all of the "factoids" about this condition and I don't like them, but the facts are what they are.  I generally relied on others to boost my self-esteem with their praise.

Secondly, for about ten years I dealt with a husband who didn't find me beautiful. Shocker, right?  What husband would have the audacity to say such a thing?  Uhhh...MINE!!!  Of course he would always qualify it and say that I was beautiful from the neck up. Leaving EVERY ONE, including me, to believe what?

Thirdly, for some odd reason, I equate inner beauty to outer and therefore, in light of No. 2, I must not be beautiful.  And - follow my reasoning here - if I wasn't beautiful, I wasn't good, and therefore, I couldn't "do" good, and since I couldn't do good I really couldn't matter.  Notice I said that "I" couldn't matter, not what I did?

So, after the divorce I started finding men who would make me feel good.  And make me feel good they did!  Temporarily.  They made me laugh.  They flattered me.  They gave me a reason to be thankful for modern technology with use of the cell phone/texting and computers/emails/IM-ing.  But guess what?  The "feel good" stuff started fading out and I would have to go on to the next one to get that "feel good" back.(It was a vicious cycle, yes.)

Forward to June 2012.  A man entered the scene and for some reason was unlike all the others. (Yeah, I'm sure some of you have heard THAT before.) This man was generous with his praise and also made me laugh and have a wonderful time.  But the difference is that now, the joy came from within me, not from without!  He is getting me to see that I am a precious child of the King and I am a Princess in every sense of the word.  I am beautiful whether I wear makeup or not.  Whether I am a size 6 or 16.  Whether I get angry or I am happy.  I, just by being myself, am good because I am being myself. I "do" good just by getting out of bed every morning and living the life GOd has given me. I do matter! I DO MATTER!!! I AM BEAUTIFUL! I am beautiful whether I act like a princess or not.  And for many years I did NOT act very royal!

So...let's go back to the beginning of this post.  I have a new pair of stellar, hot, and totally unneccessary shoes. I bought them yesterday because I feel like the princess I am when I put them on!  I am beautiful and I deserve a pair of beautiful shoes!  I feel good about being Petra!  No, you do not need to bow before me as I walk by, because I am royalty, you know.  But don't ever tell me I am anything less than who I REALLY am or I will have to kick your butt with my awesome new shoes (or at least poke your eye out with that stiletto heel!)

And here is what I want to tell all my girlfriends out there.  You are royalty too, if you are a child of the King.  You are beautiful, inside and out!  You might not be in your stilettos, but you have SOMETHING that makes you feel beautiful.  Find it and flaunt it - JUST BECAUSE!

And to all my male friends who may be reading this.  You are royalty too.  Please act like a Prince Charming to EVERY woman in your life!  Help each woman find her slipper that makes her feel beautiful!  Do it for her.  Do it for the Lord.  Do it for the future princes of the world who are looking for their princesses!

See...If you think about it, we are ALL living a fairy tale of sorts!  We just all have different slippers and our prince looks different.  But in every case there is a happy ending because the princess believes she looks beautiful to her prince!

And for those of you who are shoe fanatics like me, you should have seem the awesome purple ones I almost got as well!  (Let me know if you want to see them cuz I have a great picture!)