Funny things, burns are.  Sometimes they never heal.  Have you noticed that?

Yeah, I have been burned many times in my past, from several "instruments" - iron, oven, stove, glue gun, candle flame...you get the picture.  But this past month I was burned  not once, not even twice, but THREE times!  REALLY???? You betcha!!!

The first time was from a glue gun, making Christmas gifts.  The second time was from an iron, getting ready for work.  And the last time was from an old flame.  Yes, as you all know, their fire burns the most, doesn't it?  But, as a dear man asked me, in a very subtle way, "Petra, why do you continue to be drawn to those flames as a moth to a candle?"  That is a fair question. But it is a question I am having a difficult time with in searching for an answer.

With burns resulting from an intrument whose temperature is hot, I can come up with an answer.  I need to use those items to accomplish a task, whether it is cooking, crafting, or cleaning.  And were I to avoid those things altogether I would accomplish nothing.  I cannot be afraid of hot things just because I MAY get burned.  Right?  I mean would I be "me" if I didn't cook?  I would venture to say no.  And there are some in my life that would BEG me NOT to give that up!  (You know who you are.)  And I have been referred to as "crafty", not in the sense that I devise devious, self-serving plans (all the time, anyway), but that I enjoy working with my hands in creating something from nothing but my own imagination.  And since ironing is soothing to me and is a small form of stress-relief, I refuse to stop that.

But when it comes to my heart, I seem to be drawn to the men who will, in the end, burn me to the point where I don't believe I can live through the excrutiating pain.  So what's the deal?  Someone once said, "Lunacy is doing the same thing repeatedly, expecting different results."  So that begs the question, "What results do I truly want?"  That's a great question.  I just don't know if I have the answer.  I thought I knew what I truly wanted, but that keeps getting me hurt.  So now what?  That's going to be a question. One I will have to put on the back burner for now and seek some good, godly counsel for. 

In the meantime, I will cover the physical burns with aloe, hoping they won't turn into scars, although some inevitably will, causing me to remember the moment for a long time to come.  I still haven't discovered a balm for a burn someone else causes me by breaking my heart.  Until I find the balm or until I discover or uncover the "why" of being drawn to those who burn me, I will continue my life.  I refuse to allow the pain to take what little life I have left from me. I may just be "trudging along" but I am still moving in a forward manner and that's all I really care about at this point.