In my "Journey to a Healing Heart", I have found that my growth comes in pain.  I am really looking forward to "arriving."  The journey is becoming too unbearable.

Even looking back on all the posts....all the really good thoughts and posts come AFTER a pain causes me to pour out my heart in tears!  I have taken up writing, as most of you know.  Most of the really good stuff comes when I can barely see the computer screen through the tears flooding my eyes.  The words just flow...just like the tears down my cheeks.  SEE!!! There's that good stuff again!!!

But for once I would really like to have a season in my life where I can relax, know where my head is and be at peace in my spirit.  I did have it for a while and I was writing...can't I have that back?  Well, I girl can ask anyway, right?  Even if it is just a pipe dream?

And speaking of dreams...Is it wrong to have them?  At first I thought not, but now I am beginning to wonder.  Seriously...do dreams ever come true?  And do they look like you are expecting?  How do you recognize the "dream come true" if it's not what you pictured? 

This morning I was watching one of my favorite pastors - Dr. Charles Stanley. His son, Andy, was interviewing him and asked a question, "How do you reconcile putting God first in your life and setting goals?"  (I thought it was a very appropriate and timely question for me.)  His answer was very good.  He basically said that he obeyed God first and then he sets his goals. If they don't line up with what the Word says or if the Lord just tells him to cross it off, he does. 

I want to be like that.  I want to be so close to the Lord that He speaks to me that audibly!  I have done everything else and it seems to line up with the Word fine and I still fail...and terribly! So now what?  I have asked the Lord for signs.  I have prayed and fasted.  I just can't seem to get it right.

But for some reason I still have dreams.  The realization of those dreams seems so foreign to me though.  Should I stop having the dreams?  Change the dreams? Not expect them to come to fruition?