Resurrection -
In looking back to previous posts, I see that I have used this word a few times and I am trying to determine whether or not it is an appropriate word. The reason this has become a “sticking point” with me is because I am trying to determine whether I was revived after being dead or if I am just a “new person.”

Here’s my dilemma and maybe you can help me come to a conclusion. (Please bear with me because I do need to go back a way.)

As a teenager, I was gregarious, but not very popular in school. Let’s just say I was a bit stifled. I just couldn’t quite squeeze into the mold of what characterized the “popular” crowd. I was a leader, even then. Friends and acquaintances could attest to that. But, I couldn’t seem to lead my own thoughts. They seemed to run a little rampant when I left for college and I couldn’t seem to focus on the important things in life. I was always seeking “something else.” I sought until the thing I thought I sought saw enough in me to cease my seeking! I was married and started a family, not realizing I was not really done “seeking” the one thing I never knew I was looking for - my own identity. When I came to the end of my marriage, I was finally beginning to “find” myself and by that time, those around me didn’t appreciate me for who I truly was.

Now, I am Petra…..independent, strong, fun-loving, confident, caring, compassionate, creative, out-going, smart, and loving. I have gone from being fearful of leaving the comforts of my own home to becoming a world-traveler. I stopped questioning every decision and I have become assured in my choices. I don’t look around to see who is in my presence before I laugh at a humorous anecdote. I am so full of life I am bubbling over! I cannot contain my joy.

The question now is, were there EVER those characteristics before? Were they covered up? Were they lying dormant for all these years? Were they so restrained by those in my life that they became non-existent? OK, to be fair, I am still gregarious., although still not very popular (my definition of popular has shifted over the years, though). I am still a leader, although not practiced as often as I would like. But I can now lead my own thoughts. I can reel them in, not chasing unrealistic aspirations.

I have “found myself” right where I last saw “me” - in a little town in Kentucky, alone. And the new me? RESURRECTED!!! Yes, I guess I was there all along, buried underneath the mound of dirt of the choices I made. I am glad I found myself. It’s good to be alive!