True Forgiveness

I have asked for forgiveness from both God and others on many occasions. The majority of times when I have asked for forgiveness I have heard the words, "I forgive you." Now I know, from scripture, that the Lord is "faithful and just to forgive all [my] sins and cleanse me from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9) But what of those times when someone has sinned against us or hurt us? We can say, in our hearts, "I forgive so-and-so," but when does it really mean something?

I have had two of my children say that they have forgiven me. I realize that I had caused the children much harm when I moved out (after being abandoned in every way). The kids only care about their own pain and cannot come to any realization other that what they themselves have been faced with. They refuse any form of communication with me and have told me to stop communicating with them. But on another hand they say they forgive me? This is what I cannot understand.

I am puzzled as to how a person can arrive at their definition of forgiveness when scripture clearly states something completely different. Forgiveness according to scripture, the way I read it, is an active PROCESS. The book of Matthew has the model prayer and the phrase ..."forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors." Did you catch that? God will forgive US to the degree we forgive others!   I want to make sure that I get that order correct. I don't know about you but I have a LOT that I need to be forgiven of, so therefore, I don't want to be stingy with the forgiveness I extend to others. 

Also, when I think if forgiveness, I think of the WAY God has shown forgiveness to His children. I want to paint a little picture of how I see God's forgiveness towards the children of Israel. The Jews would continually stray from the Lord and His guidance. They would confess their sin and the Lord would forgive them. The relationship was restored! God didn't make His children jump through hoops to "prove" they were truly repentant. He didn't have them DO anything! They would go through this time and time again, wouldn't they? But the Lord NEVER withheld His love from His children. He didn't give them the silent treatment until they had proven themselves worthy. So, if this is the case, then why do we feel we have to put "conditions" on our forgiveness towards others? 

It frustrates me beyond measure when believers add or take away from what THEY THINK the scripture says! Where does it say, "You need to forgive others, but they have to earn back your trust?" or "Your responsibility is to forgive others but you don't have to keep the relationship the same?"  Many people will come up with the "excuse" for doing what they are doing by saying, "I'm not God. I'm not perfect."  Well, what does Jesus say? "Be ye holy (perfect) as I am holy (perfect)." And thank the Lord that He NEVER tells us to do something that we cannot do! So.....what are the excuses now?

Can you now understand why I am so frustrated when FAMILY members have told me that they forgive me but they REFUSE to even allow me to speak to them nor will they speak to me. I just, as I have expressed earlier, am confounded when a believer can voice the words, "I forgive you" and can truly mean it when there is still malice, anger, and distrust in their hearts. 

I think I have come up with a theory - which will be covered in my next blog. Want a clue? What is the "history" of forgiveness in the life of the individual believer.