"Good Grief!"  I have heard that phrase so many times in my lifetime, but I am just now truly believing it. "What are you believing, exactly?" You might ask. Well, that grief can be good.  It CAN be. 

When I was in college I remember taking a Psych class in which I was taught the stages of grief: Doubt, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance (DABDA, as I refer to it).  I prided myself in being able to distinguish which "stage" a person was going through after a loss.  One of my gifts is being able to help, and knowing what I am dealing with gives me a little wisdom in knowing how to be of service.  But when it comes to myself, well, that is a different story.

I have been told that a divorce is a "loss."  The death of a marriage needs to be mourned.  I can understand that. Hopes, dreams, shared memories....those are gone.  Just as if a loved one passes into the next life, those things are gone.  The one left behind must also give up hopes, dreams and shared memories. They must start anew. I must to start anew. 

I recall a time when I doubted that "this" was happening.  "He would never do this."  "It's not going to go through."  "He will change his mind."  "This really isn't happening to me."  "How could a Christian man allow this to happen?"  To tell you the truth, I still have those thoughts.  It's been two years and I still have those thoughts!  So am I still in the doubting stage of grief?  I thought I had moved on.

Then I started getting angry.  Angry at him for do this to our family.  Angry at God for not changing his mind. (After all, He was the only One who could!)  I was even angry at myself for not being able to figure out what I needed to do.  I got angry at him for taking away my children - even though he insists I did it to myself.  There is so much to be angry about.  The anger still lingers there in the back of my mind.  Am I still in THAT stage or have I moved on?

Bargaining...WOW!!! I could stay here forever!  "Lord, if you could give me another chance to show my kids I am a good mom..."  "Lord, if you could let me do this thing all over again..."  Needless to say, I struggle at this stage every day!  But let's move on.

Depression...HA!  Got that one covered.  This stage had me move four times in less than two years, spend more than I had in counselor fees, take a trip to Germany and Italy and had me so blinded I almost made the biggest mistake of my life!  It had me doing things that were nothing like "me".  Moving in with a man I had known all of 3 months and not married to!?!?  WHAT WAS I THINKING!!!  So I hope I am past this stage.

And last, but not least, the stage of acceptance.  I have come to completely accept the fact that my marriage to a man of 23 years is over.  Truth be told it was over before it even started.  I was a blind 21-year-old with visions of freedom and no clue!  I have accepted the fact that this man didn't love me.  I am not sure he ever did.  I have accepted that I am 47 and am starting my life all over.  The best thing about this acceptance is that I have the freedom AND the clue now. Life is good!  I accept that!

So, where do I go from here? Right back to where I started Grief is good - as long as it can get me to the point of acceptance.  If I linger in one particular place for too long I will start all over with the process, and that is just a waste of time - I've been there and done that.  I want to move forward - and that is "Good Grief."